We have talked about creating healthy conflict and having crucial conversations numerous times, and I continually find myself helping others navigate these challenges.
Conflict is an inevitable part of daily life, whether you are in a leadership role or not.
Your ability to handle, work through, and communicate effectively in these moments is a critical factor in your personal and professional growth.
I, too, am constantly refining my approach because, like everyone else, I sometimes fall short. Just a couple of weeks ago, I failed miserably in a staff meeting.
My intention was to emphasize the importance of respecting our business’s history.
Instead, my passion got the best of me, and I ended up saying things I should not have—both in content and delivery.
Fortunately, my business partner, Dr. Ty, held me accountable, as any good partner should.
This forced me to practice what I preach: taking full responsibility for my mistake, owning my poor choice of words, and apologizing to the team for any harm caused.
The root of my failure? Lack of preparation.
I assumed I could handle the conversation on the fly, and it backfired.
That experience prompted me to reflect, revisit the principles of crucial conversations, and commit to improving this vital leadership and relationship skill.
Rather than a traditional article, I have outlined a practical list of action steps you can reference anytime you need to prepare for a crucial conversation.
Consider tearing out this page and keeping it handy as a quick guide. While not every point may apply to every situation, they serve as valuable reminders for different types of challenging discussions.
Gather your thoughts, insights, and discernment before engaging.
Take time to cool off if needed, but do not avoid the conversation.
If you have waited too long, acknowledge and apologize for the delay.
This fosters openness instead of defensiveness.
Try “Help me understand…” or “Can you tell me more?”
Ask, “What can I do to improve the situation?”
Avoid hearsay, personal agendas, or trying to “win”.
Keep it professional. Critique actions, not character.
Rehashing old issues will not move things forward.
Reacting emotionally rarely leads to a productive outcome.
Prioritize what is best for the team, organization, or relationship.
Apologize when necessary. This builds respect.
If you do not show respect, you will not earn it in return.
Ask, “Can you summarize what we just discussed?” to confirm alignment.
Remember: To be unclear is to be unkind.
This sets clear expectations for success.
This ensures accountability and continued progress.
Ask, “Do you think this is fair?” If they disagree, clarify or reassess.
When people perceive fairness, they are more likely to follow through.
The Cost of Failed Conversations Poorly handled conversations lead to setbacks, distrust, disunity, and lost momentum, all of which undermine leadership.
The only way to improve is through intentional study, preparation, and practice.
Keep this guide in your desk, planner, or workspace as a reminder before engaging in tough discussions. I know I will!
Dr. Nels Lindberg is a people coach, team coach, business coach, and keynote speaker, available virtually or in person. If you have any interest in these opportunities, please reach out to his office at 620-792-1265 and visit with his right-hand lady, Jill.
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